I think this take is played very artistically similar to the original lesson. Very good job there!
The only issues are in technique nature. The most important one I notice is that you are playing a bit "staccato" sounding. This means that you make a small pause when you move from fretting one note to another. This is natural and with some practice focusing on this it is easy to fix. Pull-offs are pretty good but notice how after pulling off, you lose sustain of the note when moving the finger towards next note. Somehow you loosen the pressure on the string you pulled off to too early as a preparation to moving to another note/string. Try to make the pauses as minimal as possible and the piece will sound much smoother.
Let me go in more details :
The opening lick example: 0:00-0:06.
You need to keep the pressure on the index finger to keep the note ringing, while moving the ring finger and playing the next note with it. You should loosen the index finger pressure at the same time as when you play the next note with the ring finger (or even just slightly after playing the next note).
Another technique issue hot spot is when you need to play a note on one string with the index finger and then play the next one with the same finger but on the string above for example. Example of this is the 2nd lick in the lesson (0:06-0:08). Here you need to apply the same rule as before - keep the pressure on the index finger to keep the string vibrating and note sustaining and then quickly roll the finger upward to play the next note. Check out how Bear plays it in the lesson videos. Goal is to remove pauses in between the notes. I've made a bass lesson covering this topic in details, check it out (all of it applies to guitar) :
Legato and StaccatoThe section with open E string pull-offs has a bit of issues of picking hand synchronization with the pull-off motion. Practice this section some more to get it smoother.
Hope you'll find these tips useful, looking forward to your new REC videos.